Nosocomephobia

Do you happen to have nosocomephobia? Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. Either way it’s a good thing I don’t because I spent the better part of last week inside that phobia.

Nosocomephobia = fear of hospitals.

But you didn’t care to know that, did you? All you, the inquiring yet somewhat lazy mind of the GDW fan, cares to know is what any of this has to do with Monoxide’s GDW world heavyweight title opportunity at Resurrection inside of the vicious and sadistic elimination chamber match.

Well that makes it painfully obvious, doesn’t it? Vicious and sadistic describe the elimination chamber, does it not? If I can survive the Apocalypse Match, surely I can survive the elimination chamber match.

The scene before you is a hospital room. The walls are covered in dried blood and much of the equipment and furniture in the room is overturned. This might be the scene out of a horror movie but this is no movie. This isn’t some fantasy that you can so easily flick off with your remote control. This is real life.

This was the room of a patient here at one time. Yours truly, Oliver Hardy Jr. resided in this room. They took me here after the brutal Apocalypse Match against my step-sister Kayla Jones concluded. I took a rather violent fall and quite a beating. Heh, that Kayla may be a bitch, but I gotta hand to her, she is a tough bitch!

But then laughing can be heard. And it isn’t your standard laughing, either. This is a smug, arrogant laughter. This is a laughter that belongs to someone who is truly confident in themselves and their own abilities. This laughter that starts out sounding somewhat arrogant slowly begins to churn until it almost sounds like an outright maniacal laugh of a psychopathic killer.

The camera lenses turns until you finally see the image of me, Oliver Hardy Jr, standing there in the doorway of this ruined hospital room. But don’t you dare call me Oliver Hardy Jr. That name is dead to me. I am now to be known as Monoxide!

I am clad in a black and white business suit. I stare into the camera lenses with an intense look and a psychotic grin on my face. This is the type of look that only a mother could love. But then again, that slut is dead so she couldn’t fucking love me either.

Monoxide: Who is afraid of the big bad hospital? Huh? Not me, that’s for sure.

More maniacal laughter escapes my lips as I take my right hand and run it through my short blonde hair.

Monoxide: I just spent most of last week in this humble abode. It almost feels like home now. They treated me kindly and you can see how I repaid them. This is certainly an experience that I would recommend for all of my fellow GDW comrades in arm, especially those involved in the upcoming elimination chamber match at Resurrection.

I walk further into the room and the camera follows me. I take the bed that was overturned and I turn it right side up. I sit down on the bed and look into the camera and I begin to speak again.

Monoxide: This may come as a surprise to you all, but I have absolutely no real desire to be the GDW world heavyweight champion. None at all whatsoever. That stupid piece of tin is the furthest thing from my mind right about now. I have only one goal in mind and you all should know what this by now.

I shrug my shoulders.

Monoxide: What, then, drives me? What makes me want to compete in this elimination chamber match with five other GDW superstars? What could I possibly hope to achieve? One simple word, my friends…

I hold up my right index finger.

Monoxide: PAIN! This match, for me, is about inflicting as much pain, suffering, and heartache as I possibly can. The Truth can have the world heavyweight title if he wants it. Hell, Joey Michaels can for all I care. All I care about is destroying lives. All I care about is making all of my opponents feel…my….pain!

Philadelphia Pennsylvania may be the city of brotherly love, but the fact is that hate, anger, revenge, and greed will be coming to its shores in a few short days in the form of the elimination chamber and in the form of Monoxide and I guarantee you that I will not hold back any ounce of my vengeance! The world will suffer…..the elimination chamber combatants will suffer!

I really hope none of you have nosocomephobia, because many of you will be spending the night in the hospital.

Dissention in the Ranks

Kayla Jones made big waves this past Friday on Fever. Not only through her actions did the Outsiders grow even larger and more powerful but also the elimination chamber match booked for Resurrection was changed in a way to affect this Outsiders/Illuminati war forever. The elimination chamber participants were announced: three of them would be Illuminati members and three of them would be members of the Outsiders. The winner would be the world heavyweight champion.

Two groups at war yet, at the same time, there will be one ultimate prize that can possibly drive a wedge between the groups forever. It doesn’t get much bigger than that and it doesn’t get much bigger than the world heavyweight championship at Resurrection.

But Resurrection is several weeks away and first and foremost The Illuminati still have a war with the Outsiders to deal with. The Outsiders have proven to be a much more formidable force than originally thought. The Outsiders stable have, thus far, managed to defeat the Illuminati in six-person tag team action as well as humiliate them at the end of Fever, driving them away from the ring while they proceeded to decimate Illuminati member Monoxide.

But now the Illuminati have been presented with an opportunity to gain a measure of revenge. On this upcoming edition of Fever the three Illuminati members participating in the Elimination Chamber Match, that being Joey Michaels, Monoxide, and the world heavyweight champion The Truth, will face off against the three Outsiders who will be in the elimination chamber match, that being Brandon Z’appel, Jake “The Heartthrob” Storm, and John Clayton.

Meagan Collins, the financial backer and manager of the Illuminati, realizes just how big this match is. Not only is it yet another battle in the Illuminati/Outsiders war, but it could be a preview of Resurrection. She can only hope that her team will work together and prove to the Outsiders that there is only one dominant super group in GDW right now and that is The Illuminati.

Keeping them together, however, is a whole different story, especially when you have three men with three different agendas. Monoxide is here in GDW only for the destruction of his step-sister Kayla Jones. Joey Michaels joined the Illuminati not because he bought into Meagan’s kool-aid or The Truth’s kool-aid but because Meagan promised him a shot at the world heavyweight championship, a shot he is going to get at Resurrection. And The Truth is here in GDW….well….to spread the Truth! Kill the beast! Yeah, all that fun stuff!

The scene opens inside of an empty gymnasium. The Truth and Monoxide are sparring on a blue wrestling mat while Meagan watches from afar. Seated next to her in a lawn chair is the self-proclaimed Franchise Player, Joey Michaels. Meagan wishes Joey were more active in this workout but what can she do?

Meagan: Good work guys! Keep it up!

Truth takes Monoxide down in a side headlock. Monoxide fights back up after twenty seconds and counters with a single leg takedown. Monoxide goes into a leg grapevine. Meagan immediately begins to clap.

Meagan: Great counter Oliv….errr I mean Monoxide!

Joey laughs as he proceeds to clap as well….a golf clap.

Joey: Yeah, good job gents!

Truth and Monoxide immediately stop sparring. They both stand up and glare angrily at Joey.

Monoxide: You should be over here practicing too, Michaels!

Truth: Yeah! Need I remind you how important this match is?

Joey rolls his eyes.

Joey: Tell me, Truth, how is this match important….at all!

Truth: The Outsiders are a group loyal to the beast and they are attempting to spread the beast’s message of evil. We must stop their pitiful rebellion before they have a chance to make any headway!

Joey laughs out loud again, causing Truth to look somewhat frustrated.

Truth: And just what is so funny?!

Joey: You! I can’t believe you actually believe the crap that comes out of your mouth!

Truth angrily approaches Joey Michaels.

Truth: Want to repeat that?

Joey stands up.

Joey: Yeah, I said that I can’t believe you actually believe the crap that comes out of your mouth. Listen, Truth, this match isn’t about your imaginary fight against this so-called beast or whatever. This match itself isn’t even the end-all, be-all. This match is merely a preview of the match that is ultimately what this match and this war with the Outsiders is all about…..

Joey points over to Truth’s gear which is lying in a corner next to Joey’s and Monoxide’s. Lying on top of it is the GDW world heavyweight championship belt.

Joey: ….the world heavyweight title. That is what this is about. That is the only reason I am here. I’m here because Meagan promised me a world title shot. I’m getting it at Resurrection and believe me, I do not intend to leave that chamber without that belt.

Truth is about to respond when Monoxide steps in front of him, interrupting.

Monoxide: Listen here, Joey! You had better keep your ego in check because this is bigger than you, me, and even The Truth! This is bigger than all of us! We must defeat The Outsiders. We must lay waste to Jake Storm, John Clayton, and Brandon Z’appel. Now you are either with us or you are against us.

Joey rolls his eyes.

Joey: Now where have I heard that before?

Monoxide: What do you mean?

Joey: Everyone in this match has an ego. Everyone in this match will be looking out for number one. Do you honestly think that Clayton, Z’appel, and Storm will be working as a unit? Perhaps on this coming Fever but when that chamber match begins they’ll be at each others’ throats because they realize, like I realize, that the world title trumps everything.

Monoxide rears back and slaps Joey.

Monoxide: You are off base, son! Listen and listen good, we need to beat The Outsiders this coming Fever. That is all you need to know.

Joey narrows his brow and balls his fist as if he is getting ready to strike. Monoxide notices this.

Monoxide: What? You want to hit me? Go ahead and do it….but you are only helping our opponents.

Joey: You know what? I’m not going to hit you. You aren’t worth the time or the effort.

Joey starts to walk away. Monoxide looks over at Meagan.

Monoxide: What’s wrong with him?!

Meagan: Hold on a moment. I’ll be back…

Meagan quickly walks over to catch up with Joey. She steps in front of him. Joey sighs with frustration.

Joey: Move, Collins.

Meagan: I can’t let you leave, Joey.

Joey: Who said anything about leaving? I’m just going to get some fresh air.

Joey leans over to whisper into her ear.

Joey: And for the record, once this chamber match is over with, I am done with you and your Illuminati freaks. Getting myself involved with this Illuminati/Outsiders war was a mistake.

Meagan: But what about Friday’s six-person tag?

Joey nods his head.

Joey: You can count on The Franchise Player to be at one hundred and ten percent.

Joey walks away. Meagan sighs as she walks back into the gym where Monoxide and Truth are waiting.

Monoxide: Well?

Meagan: He’s just going to get some fresh air.

Truth: Fresh air?! We have a six-person tag team match coming up and he wants to lounge around outside?! What is wrong with him?!

Monoxide: Calm down, Truth.

Monoxide turns his attention back towards Meagan.

Monoxide: Can we count on him to be there for us against Z’appel, Clayton, and Storm?

Meagan nods her head.

Meagan: Yes, he’ll be ready. And I am quite certain that everyone will be ready. The Outsiders will not know what hit them.

Forest Metaphors

You know what I can’t stand? I can’t stand a bunch of losers who are too big for their fucking pants! You know the type, the type who think they are big shit and then they’ll stand up to you like they are big shit. In the end those types end up the same way: flat on their back after being knocked down by the real big shits in this business….people like me! Oliver Hardy Jr.

But don’t you dare call me that. Select few can call me that you are not one of those select few. My name is Monoxide and I am the slayer of the evil. I have eliminated the one who destroyed my hopes and my dreams. I have crushed my step-sister Kayla Jones.

And yet despite the fact that I crushed her in one on one competition, she lives. And that is not something I want.

This brings us back to what I was speaking of earlier, the snot nosed punks, the losers in this business who think they are big shits who can stand up to people like me and my Illuminati brethren.

The Outsiders think that they can hang in there with the top dogs in GDW. Kayla Jones probably thinks that with the emergence of these new Outsiders that she has protection from my righteous wrath and fury. Both are wrong. Myself and the Talbot brothers will take out The Outsiders on Friday Night Fever. We will crush their little rebellion before it even begins.

And then, with Glory Braddock, Carrie Storm, and Jake Storm all taken out…..Kayla Jones will be left all alone. I can then proceed to finish what I started at Desperate Measures.

But it all begins with Friday Night Fever in the six man tag team match pitting me and my Illuminati brethren against The Outsiders. We can win. We must win.

The camera, the one that usually follows me wherever I go whenever I am busy doing promos, is currently following my as I walk in deep into the woods. I am dressed in blue jeans, cowboy boots, and a plain black shirt. I am walking with a purpose towards my destination somewhere in these woods. Where am I? No one knows. Why have I chosen this wooded forest for my promo? You will find out shortly.

Finally I find a clearing. A tent is already set up nearby a fire. Unless you are dense you probably have figured out that this is my tent where I have set up for the night.

I walk over towards the fire and lean my hands in to get them warm. Finally I turn around to face the camera. A cold emotionless stare is etched across my face.

Monoxide: Welcome to a dense forest. Welcome to the woods. Fathers often take their sons out here to “make men out of them”, to camp. They call this “roughing it.” The funny thing is my dad never got a chance to take me camping. I never got to experience the close bond that a father and a son experience when they are out on this type of adventure. Do you want to know why my father never took me camping?

Quickly, before the cameraman can react I shove my face into the camera lenses and I begin to yell with an angry rage.

Monoxide: ITS BECAUSE MY FUCKING STEP-SISTER, THAT WHORE KAYLA JONES, BUTCHERED AND MURDERED HIM BEFORE HE HAD THE FUCKING CHANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I quickly back away from the camera. The camera shakes a little bit, because, of course, the cameraman is a little shaken up by what I just did. I take a few deep breaths before I gaze back into the camera and begin to speak again.

Monoxide: But this forest represents more than just that one metaphor. Pay close attention while I explain how this fits into the upcoming six man tag team match pitting myself, Jason Talbot, and Steven Talbot against the upstart Outsiders.

I laugh sadistically.

Monoxide: Trees symbolize life and the soul. What Glory Braddock, Carrie Storm, and her idiot brother need to realize is that I have no fucking soul! MY SOUL DIED WHEN MY DADDY DIED! So I won’t hesitate to eliminate the three of you if it means accomplishing my ultimate goal. The fact is, you three are merely obstacles in our way, in The Illuminati’s way.

I make my way over to a log by the fire and I sit down on it. The camera follows me as I continue speaking.

Monoxide: Some trees change with the seasons and others stand up to harsh conditions. Trees beautify the earth and some provide food for both humans and animals, such as fruit, nuts and berries. Birds nest in trees and other animals hide within their branches for safety. The meaning of trees in your dream depends on a multitude of factors. Dreaming of budding trees in the spring may herald a new cycle or rebirth, including death. Death….that is a feeling that my father felt and one that The Outsiders will soon feel. DEATH TO THE OUTSIDERS! DEATH TO THEIR STUPID REBELLION!

A sly grin spreads across my face. I nod my head.

Monoxide: Oh yeah, and there’s more! Summer indicates the development of self-reliance and strength to surviving rough conditions in your life. The changing and falling leaves of autumn symbolize shedding what is no longer needed so that changes can occur. Change, my friends. Change is a word thrown around like a silly catchphrase but it is real. The Illuminati, we are bringing about real change to GDW and people like Glory and her pals, the Outsiders, they only want the status. The status quo will die along with your rebellion. Understand the meaning of the forest and you will understand this, Outsiders. You see, harvesting the work of the past is also represented. The bare trees of winter can symbolize a time of dormancy, to sort things out and rest before beginning something new. That something new is represented in The Illuminati and our reign in the Global Division of Wrestling.

I point my index finger directly into the camera.

Monoxide: Your reign will be a short lived one. You see, an uprooted tree symbolizes a feeling of being uprooted in waking or spiritual life. Are you losing your hold on the ground, Outsiders? Are you losing touch with reality? Because only a fucking lunatic would think that they stood a chance against the most dominant force ever to set foot in GDW!

I laugh.

Monoxide: There’s one last thing you should know about the symbols and metaphors of this great forest. A tree struck by lightning or in flames may represent a situation that is about to erupt, but this can also symbolize electrified energy or being “on fire” for a goal or desire. I am on fire for a goal! I have a desire burning deep down in my heart and my soul! My desire is to eliminate Kayla Jones and all like her! People like you, people like The Outsiders, YOU ARE STANDING IN MY WAY and on Friday Night Fever we will take you out! Ah but dreaming of a dead tree may symbolize that you are holding on to values or things from the past or a feeling that something is stagnant and not growing. You are going to be the dead tree, Outsiders. You are going to be that tree that is stagnant and that is going nowhere.

I AM A GOD-DAMNED FORCE OF NATURE MY FRIENDS AND YOU CANNOT STAND UP TO ME! I am Monoxide and on Friday Night Fever, Glory Braddock, Carrie Storm, and Jake Storm will learn the hard lessons of life. You three will learn the hard way that no one can stand up to the Illuminati and survive. You are welcome to try, but you will fail, just as everyone else before you as failed.

Failure is your destiny.

Ah but my destiny is bright. My future is bright. I know that I will accomplish my ultimate goal. And you cannot stop me.

No one can stop me..

Because I am Monoxide.

And I…am…God.

A Sister is Crucified

Άδέλφη στάυρόω

A sister is crucified

The light streams in from the window. It beams down upon my face. Usually I hate mornings. To be totally frank, I usually hate mornings, afternoons, and evenings. I typically hate all of the day. And is that any surprise considering the fact that I have quite literally lost everything? I have nothing to live for but hatred. I have nothing to live for but the hope and desire that I will soon bear witness to the destruction of my greatest enemy.

My name is Oliver Hardy Jr., but I am better known as Monoxide. I competed in the Global Division of Wrestling and today, for the first time in a long time, I am actually happy. I am happy because coming up at Desperate Measures 2008 I will go face to face with my greatest enemy and I will bring about the destruction that I seek with my own bear hands.

What makes this interesting is that my greatest enemy is my step-sister and the President of the company, Kayla Jones.

I am in bed in my hotel room. I turn to look at the nightstand and I see a picture of my beloved father, the wonderful Oliver Hardy Sr.

He was taken away from me many years ago. Kayla Jones murdered him. Despite all of the good he did for her, all of the lessons he tried to teach her, she still killed him.

Hearing the news of my father’s death devastated me. It turned me into a different person. It turned me into a person desperate for revenge.

A single solitary tear begins to flow down my cheek as I think about my father.

Monoxide: I will make her pay, daddy. I make her pay with her very career…..

A sinister laugh escapes my lips.

Monoxide: ……or perhaps her life.

My meditation is interrupted by a knocking at my hotel room door. I quickly look down at myself and sigh with relief upon seeing that I do have boxer shorts on.

Monoxide: Yeah, who is it?

Meagan: Its me.

I frown. Meagan Collins, my manager, is here to see me. I really do not wish to see her. She will give me some stupid lecture about the importance of training and preparation. Or maybe she’ll talk more about some master Illuminati plot to destroy GDW. Its all a bunch of crap. I have my own plans. They just so happen to coincide with The Illuminati’s plans right now. It so happens to coincide with her plans. But he will quickly abandon her and the Illuminati when they no longer serve HIS ultimate purposes, the purposes of eliminating Kayla Jones.

But for now, as much as he would love to get rid of her and to ignore her, he cannot just so simply dismiss Meagan Collins.

Meagan: Well? Can I come in or what?

Monoxide: Yeah, whatever.

I hear the doorknob turning and then the door slowly creaking open. Meagan enters the room. She is clad not in her typical business attire but instead in a pair of black windpants, tennis shoes, and a white t-shirt. Her long dark hair hangs down to her shoulders. She looks over at me in my boxer shorts and sitting on my bed and she has a look of disappointment on her face.

Meagan: So….no training this morning?

See? What did I tell you? I knew she would come in here and whine about me not training for my match. Does she care about my career? No….she just cares about her meal ticket cashing in.

Monoxide: Meagan, I’m just fighting my sister. It shouldn’t be a problem.

Meagan: Just your sister?

Meagan walks over and grabs a hold of my shoulder.

Meagan: Kayla Jones is a former GDW World Heavyweight Champion.

Monoxide: Yeah and the bitch hasn’t competed in a long time. Not to mention the fact that she has a history of nagging neck injuries that have put her on the shelf. She can’t wrestle her way out of a paper bag. She’s done.

Meagan puts her hands on her hips and looks down at me with skeptical eyes. She could be skeptical because she knows that I don’t care about outwrestling Kayla. I only care about hurting her. I care only about destroying her once and for all.

Meagan: Listen Hardy….

Monoxide: Monoxide. I do not go by the name Hardy any longer.

Meagan sighs out of frustration.

Meagan: Fine…”Monoxide”…listen, I know that you do not give a damn about beating Kayla Jones. You just care about destroying her once and for all. You care about putting her on the shelf.

A sick and sadistic grin spreads across my face.

Monoxide: I want to do more than just put the bitch on the shelf. I want to send her to hell right where she belongs.

Meagan: Well just remember, Monoxide, that if you do not win, then I do not get paid. NEITHER OF US will get paid. Monoxide, winning is important. Make sure you win. What you do to her after the bell rings signaling the end of the match is your business. But for my sake, please win.

Meagan turns and makes her exit. My eyes follow her as she walks out.

Monoxide: Believe me, Megs….I WILL win…I will crucify her.

The Ghost of Oliver Hardy Sr.

Brandon Z’appel is the new world heavyweight champion. His “boyhood dream has come true”, at least according to Marty McMahon. Oh yeah, I bet his dreams have come true. I bet his entire life is one great big fucking dream!

My life has been nothing more than a nightmare. It has been full of nightmares and pain. I was never a happy person, at least I wasn’t when my daddy was taken away from me by GDW’s own President Kayla Jones, my step-sister. My father took her in. My father tried to teach her discipline and respect and yeah, those lessons were tough. It was some tough love but it was love nonetheless.

What did she do in response? How did she repay him? She killed him. She took him away from me!

Ever since then my life has been a living nightmare. And now here I am, ready to stand face to face, toe to toe, with a man whose very dreams have been fulfilled. I stand ready to ruin his dreams. I stand ready to burn his dreams down to the ground. I stand ready to take away from him in the same manner my step-sister took from me.

I will take away from this entire God-forsaken world!

People think that Brandon Z’appel is unstoppable. My goal isn’t to stop him. They think he’s unbeatable. My goal isn’t to beat him. My goal is simply to annihilate him. My goal is to torture him and to maim him. My goal is to leave Brandon Z’appel wishing that he were dead. And then maybe, just maybe, if he begs me, I will grant him his wish.

I am not impressed with Brandon Z’appel or his sparkling record. Nor do I give a damn about that stupid piece of tin he has around his waist. What I care about is making him feel the pain that I have felt for all my fucking life! What I care about is destroying Brandon. I care about stomping him into the ground and leaving him a bloody mess.

Brandon Z’appel can win the battle for all I care, but I want to win the war, and I will win the war. I will win the war because I have a goal that is greater than myself. I must win, not for me, but for my father, for Oliver Hardy Sr.

My name is Oliver Hardy Jr., but I no longer go by that name. I am now Monoxide and I will be the poison for Brandon Z’appel.

At this time I feel as if I am being lifted up, almost as if I were Jesus Christ himself being lifted up at the ascension. And that is appropriate, because I am the Christ like figure, but unlike Christ I will not sacrifice myself. I will overthrow the rulers that oppress. Specifically Kayla Jones.

The feeling of being lifted up slowly comes to an end. I open my eyes and I find myself sitting on a white cloud up in the heavens. I can stare down and see the globe below me. Considering what just happened and where I am at you’d think that this would shock me but it does not. Nor does the voice from behind me shock me….

Oliver: Hello there, son.

I turn around to find my father standing behind me. A smirk spreads across my face.

Monoxide: Father.

Oliver: I have been watching over you. You know that right?

I nod my head.

Monoxide: Yes, I know that. I know that you will always watch over me and that you will always be with me. You are the source of my strength.

Oliver: I know.

My father, my beloved father, walks over closer to me and we embrace.

Oliver: I watched you at Game Over. That’s a good first step, son. But more needs to be done.

Monoxide: Yes, father, I know. More needs to be done and more will be done. I will make sure Kayla pays for her sins against us both!

Oliver: Not only her, son, but all of GDW. GDW as a whole has sinned against us and needs to pay. You realize that, right son?

Once again I nod my head.

Monoxide: Yes father, I know. This is why I, along with my manager Meagan Collins, have joined the Illuminati. We will make GDW pay and pay dearly for their sins. They will be cleansed, father. I guarantee it.

Oliver: That’s good to hear, but can you go through with the promise?

Monoxide: What do you mean, father?

Oliver: I mean that you need to focus on GDW as a whole, not just Kayla Jones. You are facing Brandon Z’appel, are you not?

Monoxide: Yes, yes I am. It will be a non-title match but that’s fine with me. I don’t care about his championship. What I care about his hurting him and…..

Before I can even finish my statement my father, the great Oliver Hardy Sr., rears back and slaps me in the face. I am stunned at this and I look into his face and I note the intensity etched across his face.

Monoxide: What? What did I do?

Oliver: You are losing focus. You are not seeing the bigger picture of how you can really take down GDW once and for all.

Monoxide: How? Tell me how!

Oliver: You are a fool, son, if you do not care about Z’appel’s world title. Everyone in this business care about the world heavyweight championship. That is the whole point of this business. Do you understand me, boy?

I nod my head.

Monoxide: Yes, father, I do.

Oliver: Your goal must be to someday win the world heavyweight title. Furthermore you must make an example out of the reigning world heavyweight champion.

Monoxide: You are right. You are right, I must make an example out of GDW’s newest pretty boy Brandon Z’appel. I must hurt him and maim him but furthermore I must win championship gold. WHEN that happens, when someday I am the world heavyweight champion the whole of GDW will be rocked to its foundation. Kayla Jones will someday be rocked to her foundation. But for right now Brandon Z’appel must be rocked to his foundation. I will destroy and dismember him.

And then I wake up. I wake up in my own bed and realize that I had a vision. A vision of my wonderful father.

He is right. I must refocus myself. I must make sure I am focused in on Brandon Z’appel and making an example out of him.

Brandon…you, my friend are doomed. You are doomed because you are facing Oliver Hardy Jr., also known as MONOXIDE! And boy, you will not survive your encounter with Monoxide.

I will take you down and take you apart.

Because that is what I do.

The Apocalypse

I am ready to bring about an apocalypse.

The apocalypse is near. I can feel it, you can feel it, everyone can feel it. Admit it to yourself, admit within your heart and your soul that the apocalypse is near.

No, I don’t want to sound like some crazy Bible-thumper on a lunatic fringe ranting and raving about fire raining down from heaven or the four horsemen of the apocalypse or the Second Coming of Christ. I’m not here to rant and rave about a nuclear holocaust brought upon us by an artificial intelligence turned evil like one of my favorite Fox television shows.

No, I’m not here to rant and ramble like a psychopath. I’m not insane like some of the Bible-thumpers preaching the coming apocalypse.

As a matter of fact, I am quite sane. I am dangerously sane because I know exactly what the hell I’m doing while the rest of the world is in the dark. But soon, very soon, the apocalypse will happen and they will be put into the light, a burning hot, scolding light that they will not like.

If the idiots of the world had any idea what the word apocalypse meant then they might have an inkling as to what I’m talking about.

The word apocalypse is derived from the Greek word meaning “a revealing.”

Get it now? My name is Monoxide and I’m not here bringing about the end of the world. I’m not here to rain down fire from heaven or the wrath of God. I’m here to bring about a revelation.

And no, I’m not about to bring about the wrath of God, but I will bring about the wrath of Monoxide.

The revelation of my glory will bring about wrath, pain, and torment to some. And believe me, I will enjoy watching that torment. I will enjoy inflicting the pain. And I will enjoy my crowning achievement in the Global Division of Wrestling by becoming the GDW Fever Television Champion.

Jason Talbot is a joke. Jason Talbot isn’t a has-been, he is a never-has-been and never-will-be. He thinks that Game Over could be his night to reign supreme, to become the Fever Television Champion. So the Fever Title is important to him? That is why he shall lose. He can’t think outside the box. He can think only in limited terms. He thinks short term. I think long term. I also have my priorities straight. He wants the Fever Title? He can have it. I have only one goal and I can achieve it with or without the Fever Title strapped around my waist.

Coral Marie. She’s a has-been. She used to be something good. She used to have talent in her. Now she’s nothing. Now she is a mere annoyance to those who ever run across her because she opens her trap and won’t shut the hell up. I will shut her up because I don’t want her around me to bother me. I have things to do, goals to accomplish, and I cannot have her getting in my way.

The mausoleum at an undisclosed location. I am inside and that’s a very good thing because it is storming outside. It is raining heavily. Only inside this mausoleum can I focus my attention on what needs to be done, on what needs to be said.

A mausoleum is an external free-standing building constructed as a monument enclosing the interment space or burial chamber of a deceased person or persons. A mausoleum may be considered a type of tomb or the tomb may be considered to be within the mausoleum. Historically, mausolea were, and still may be, large and impressive constructions for a deceased leader or other person of importance.

This mausoleum is where the apocalypse begins. Game Over will be where the apocalypse ends. Jason Talbot may not care, Coral Marie may not care, but I care. DAMNIT I CARE! I care about this mausoleum! I care about my apocalypse! I don’t give a damn about the Fever Title, Coral Marie, or Jason Talbot!

I am standing up staring with a rock solid look on my face at a particular nameplate. A single solitary tears begins to roll down my cheek, indicating the only bit of emotion from my being. I don’t show much emotion these days outside of anger, so this exhibition of sadness is rare. I usually keep my emotions bottled up and release them and all other frustrations on my GDW opponents.

God help Jason Talbot and Coral Marie. But then again, it’ll take more than that bastard to help them survive my wrath.

Monoxide: Its been a long time. I know I should visit more often than I do and I do apologize but, *sighs* I just don’t visit too often because it is too difficult for me. It is hard to see you here and realize that you are gone.

The thoughts of my upcoming Fever Television Championship match against Coral Marie and Jason Talbot are now long gone. Only one thought is going through my head right now. It is the only thought that really matters. It is my focus, my priority. It is the reason I still fight to this day and why I will do what I can to maul and maim whomever gets in my way come Game Over, whether it be Coral Marie, Jason Talbot, or anyone else.

Monoxide: My manager, Meagan Collins, she got me hooked up with a spot in the Global Division of Wrestling. It is a great gig because I have a chance to redeem you. And believe me, I will fight with all of my heart and with all of my soul to redeem you. Meagan Collins has also hooked me up with some good deals and made some good allies. None of them matter. I only have one true ally and that ally is you. I promise to work for you and to fight for your vengeance even if it goes against their will.

I wipe the tear away from my eyes. For the first time a smile spreads across my face.

Monoxide: I’m in a match at Game Over for the Fever Television Championship. Me and two losers, two nothings, two people who couldn’t lace my boots and who never measured up to people like you and I. I will win and I will be the next Fever Television Champion simply because Jason Talbot and Coral Marie aren’t good enough to come anywhere close to beating me.

I shake my head.

Monoxide: But the championship isn’t important to me. YOU! You are important to me. And making the ones in GDW…as well as the entire world…pay for their sins against you and me, THAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME! That is my mission in life! Hurting and injuring pieces of crap like Coral and Talbot is just a fucking perk that I get with the job. Breaking their legs and leaving them a crippled, bloody pulping mess in the center of the ring is just an added bonus. Watching them scream in agony as they slowly roll away from consciousness, as their whole fucking lives slowly and mercifully ends so that we don’t have to put up with pieces of shit like those two, like Talbot and Coral, THAT IS JUST SOMETHING EXTRA!

I kiss the palm of my hand and then press it up against the nameplate. Still you cannot see what the nameplate says. And wouldn’t you like to see it? TOO BAD! You have to wait along with everyone else.

Monoxide: My name….MY NAME IS MONOXIDE! I have crushed Steven Talbot and I have crushed Trinity. Now I shall crush Jason Talbot and Coral Marie. Whether I bring the Fever Television Championship home is irrelevant. I shall crush them. I shall crush everyone. I shall crush them in your name.

Doulos

The Greek word “doulos” can mean one of two things when translated into the English. It can mean either slave or it can mean servant. This can prove to be very tricky and very frustrating for the Biblical translator who is trying to find the best and most correct meaning of a word. Those of a Judeo-Christian perspective would like to think that these so-called “scholars” are striving only for the correct and true original meaning of the word and the passage when going from Greek into English. The truth of the matter is that people are flawed. Humanity is not perfect. We let our own life experiences and own biases enter into our work when it comes to Bible translating. This creates one major problem when it comes to the Bible, a problem that many fundamentalist Christians hate to hear about: every Bible translation is an interpretation.

Take our word “doulos” for example. The true meaning of the word in the Greek could very well have been slave, yet if you were preaching that passage to a mostly African American congregation then it is doubtful you are going to use the word “slave” in fear of offending them. You will use the watered down, easier to stomach meaning: servant.

I am Monoxide and I am not anyone’s servant and I sure as hell am no one’s slave. There are certain individuals in this company known as Global Division of Wrestling who may not know that yet. I don’t want to name any names but suffice it to say that they will get their rude awakening very, very soon. They may expect me to be the good little lap dog, the good little henchman goon and follow my orders; just like a good little servant.

Or slave.

But the fact is that I am not a servant and I am not a slave. It doesn’t matter how the hell you interpret that word, I am STILL Monoxide and I look out for me. I obey my own commands and no one else’s. I am my own man and I have my own goals in this company.

I face Steven Talbot in the next round of the Fever Television Championship Tournament. Talbot and everyone in this tournament have only one thing on their mind: gold. The Fever Television Championship. But I have other things on my mind. I have other goals, goals greater than even Steven Talbot can possibly comprehend.

Talbot. The Illuminati. None of them truly fathom what is really going on in my head. The stupid bimbo psychiatrist Mike Michaels sent to analyze me thinks she understands but even she doesn’t. No one does. But soon they’ll get a taste of what I’m truly all about.

But first thing’s first and that’s an obstacle by the name of Steven Talbot who stands between me and the Fever Championship. Yeah, yeah, I said I didn’t give a damn about that stupid piece of tin, but hey, if I’m going to shock the world at Game Over 2008, I might as well do it as a new champion.

Meagan: “So? Are you ready for Friday night?”

Monoxide: “Huh?”

I was asleep on the sofa in my apartment. Key word there is “was”, past tense. I blink myself awake to find my business manager Meagan Collins standing over me in my apartment dressed in a crème colored sun dress with a low heeled shoe. Her long dark hair is left to hang down unrestrained to shoulder length. She is very beautiful, very sexy. Were it not for the fact that she is married I might take this stunning sensation and try to woo her right this very moment.

Other than the obvious problem of her being married, there are only two big problems with that scenario. Number one I try to never mix business with pleasure. It usually leads to bad consequences. And number two she looks rather peeved with me right now.

I put on my usual sly smile, hoping that it and my charm will disarm her.

Monoxide: “Oh, well good morning Meagan! I wasn’t expecting you here this morning.”

Meagan: “That’s Mrs. Collins to you, and its two in the afternoon, buddy boy.”

My eyes slowly start to grow wider and wider as I slowly realize what just happened.

Monoxide: “I overslept…”

Meagan: “Bingo. You are scheduled for a very important match. You’d think you’d be preparing for it. You would think you would be working on some moves. You would think that maybe, just maybe, you would be watching some tapes of Steven Talbot in action. But no, instead you chose to sleep all damn day. Care to explain that to me?”

The events of the preceding night return to me and I smile mischievously.

Monoxide: “That waitress at the Hooters last night sure as fun….”

Meagan: “A woman?!”

Meagan rears back and slaps me across my face. Instead of getting angry I just continue to smile back at her with my usual cocky grin while she continues to berate me.

Meagan: “You have the opportunity to become the Fever Television Champion and you are more concerned with a woman?!”

Monoxide: “Well she was hot.”

Meagan: “That isn’t the point.”

Meagan sits down next to me on the sofa as I sit up. I continue to look into her eyes as her eyes flare anger and frustration.

Meagan: “The point is that you need to have your priorities straight. Geez, Monoxide, what do you want out of this career? Huh?”

My cocky, smug grin slowly dissipates and is replaced by a very serious, very grim look. It is a stern look that Meagan is not used to. But she does know that when I look like this that I am deadly serious.

Monoxide: “My priorities? What am I going to get out of this career? How about I turn this around and ask you a question, Megs….oh, I’m sorry, Mrs. Collins. What are YOU getting out of this?”

Meagan shrugs.

Meagan: “Well I do kinda hope to expand my horizons a bit in the professional wrestling business. I was a great world champion and now I would like to be known as the manager of world champions as well.”

Monoxide: “Ah yes, and now you hope to manage me to a world title, right?”

Meagan nods.

Meagan: “Yeah.”

Monoxide: “Well world championships are not in my sight right now, Mrs. Collins. In fact, this Fever Television Championship is not in my sights right now. I only have one goal in mind and that goal won’t be accomplished at Game Over….”

A sadistic grin flashes across my face. I think about what the future might hold for after Game Over and then I unconsciously lick my lips in anticipation.

Monoxide: “…but things will really start to get interesting then!”

Meagan: “And what about Steven Talbot?”

Monoxide: “What about him? Steven Talbot means nothing to me. He means about as much to me as the Fever Television Championship means to me. He’s merely an annoyance.”

Meagan: “An annoyance?”

Meagan stands up, glaring over me once more the same way she was when she first entered my apartment.

Meagan: “He is a former Terror Television Champion in GDW. He knows how to win in GDW.”

Monoxide: “So? You say that as if I should give a damn. I don’t, Mrs. Collins. I don’t give a damn about Steven Talbot or the Fever Title. I only care about one thing…one dirty, filthy, whorish thing.”

Meagan: “Yeah and I know what thing is. But understand also….the agreement.”

Monoxide: “Oh I remember the agreement alright. I remember it well. But there is something you should understand, Mrs. Collins…..Meagan…”

I stand up to full length by Meagan. I tower over her. Despite my intimidating presence she does not back down. She indeed is as tough as everyone says she is. But even she won’t dissuade me as I continue to stare her right in her eyes.

Monoxide: “I am no one’s slave. I am no one’s servant.”

Meagan: “I know that….”

Monoxide: *interrupting* “I have my goals in life, in this profession. Winning a championship may be one of them later down the road but not now. You don’t have to worry about your precious record as a manager being dirtied up, because you won’t be the one doing the dirtying. I’ll do the dirty work on Steven Talbot. I’ll dirty him up and I’ll beat him up. I’ll leave him lying in a pool of his own blood if I have to. I don’t settle for a loss. You should me better than that.”

Meagan: “I sense there is a ‘but’ coming up…”

I nod.

Monoxide: “But you should realize that while I will take out Steven Talbot on Fever, that I have bigger fish to fry than him. I have certain injustices that need to be righted. Vengeance will be mine.”

Doulos…..servant or slave? You make the call.

As far as I am concerned it means nothing. It means nothing to me. I am neither servant nor slave. I am my own man and Meagan Collins realizes that now.

Oh I’ll make her a bigger star and I’ll make her money alright, but I won’t be doing it for her or to advance her goals. I’ll be doing it to advance mine. My goals are the ones that will be advanced.

The only slave that will be beaten to death will be Steven Talbot.