Nosocomephobia

Do you happen to have nosocomephobia? Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. Either way it’s a good thing I don’t because I spent the better part of last week inside that phobia.

Nosocomephobia = fear of hospitals.

But you didn’t care to know that, did you? All you, the inquiring yet somewhat lazy mind of the GDW fan, cares to know is what any of this has to do with Monoxide’s GDW world heavyweight title opportunity at Resurrection inside of the vicious and sadistic elimination chamber match.

Well that makes it painfully obvious, doesn’t it? Vicious and sadistic describe the elimination chamber, does it not? If I can survive the Apocalypse Match, surely I can survive the elimination chamber match.

The scene before you is a hospital room. The walls are covered in dried blood and much of the equipment and furniture in the room is overturned. This might be the scene out of a horror movie but this is no movie. This isn’t some fantasy that you can so easily flick off with your remote control. This is real life.

This was the room of a patient here at one time. Yours truly, Oliver Hardy Jr. resided in this room. They took me here after the brutal Apocalypse Match against my step-sister Kayla Jones concluded. I took a rather violent fall and quite a beating. Heh, that Kayla may be a bitch, but I gotta hand to her, she is a tough bitch!

But then laughing can be heard. And it isn’t your standard laughing, either. This is a smug, arrogant laughter. This is a laughter that belongs to someone who is truly confident in themselves and their own abilities. This laughter that starts out sounding somewhat arrogant slowly begins to churn until it almost sounds like an outright maniacal laugh of a psychopathic killer.

The camera lenses turns until you finally see the image of me, Oliver Hardy Jr, standing there in the doorway of this ruined hospital room. But don’t you dare call me Oliver Hardy Jr. That name is dead to me. I am now to be known as Monoxide!

I am clad in a black and white business suit. I stare into the camera lenses with an intense look and a psychotic grin on my face. This is the type of look that only a mother could love. But then again, that slut is dead so she couldn’t fucking love me either.

Monoxide: Who is afraid of the big bad hospital? Huh? Not me, that’s for sure.

More maniacal laughter escapes my lips as I take my right hand and run it through my short blonde hair.

Monoxide: I just spent most of last week in this humble abode. It almost feels like home now. They treated me kindly and you can see how I repaid them. This is certainly an experience that I would recommend for all of my fellow GDW comrades in arm, especially those involved in the upcoming elimination chamber match at Resurrection.

I walk further into the room and the camera follows me. I take the bed that was overturned and I turn it right side up. I sit down on the bed and look into the camera and I begin to speak again.

Monoxide: This may come as a surprise to you all, but I have absolutely no real desire to be the GDW world heavyweight champion. None at all whatsoever. That stupid piece of tin is the furthest thing from my mind right about now. I have only one goal in mind and you all should know what this by now.

I shrug my shoulders.

Monoxide: What, then, drives me? What makes me want to compete in this elimination chamber match with five other GDW superstars? What could I possibly hope to achieve? One simple word, my friends…

I hold up my right index finger.

Monoxide: PAIN! This match, for me, is about inflicting as much pain, suffering, and heartache as I possibly can. The Truth can have the world heavyweight title if he wants it. Hell, Joey Michaels can for all I care. All I care about is destroying lives. All I care about is making all of my opponents feel…my….pain!

Philadelphia Pennsylvania may be the city of brotherly love, but the fact is that hate, anger, revenge, and greed will be coming to its shores in a few short days in the form of the elimination chamber and in the form of Monoxide and I guarantee you that I will not hold back any ounce of my vengeance! The world will suffer…..the elimination chamber combatants will suffer!

I really hope none of you have nosocomephobia, because many of you will be spending the night in the hospital.